Barni the Bus

You become what you repeatedly think about.  [in bed]

“Honey, I’ll never be too tired for a blow job.”

Rumor has it, it’s time for Barni to leave the current love nest.  The details of why are fuzzy; some heard it was to move in to a 2-car garage with another bus, some heard it was to move to a larger garage; some heard it was just for a change of scenery.  But one thing was for certain:  Barni was selling the old garage.

Anyone who has sold a garage knows that it is a real pain to keep the place spotless for spur-of-the-moment showings.  But here are some tips to help when it’s time to sell your garage.

Note that failing to do any of the following can make an otherwise very interested buyer run the other direction and never look back.

• Quit your job (so you have time to do the following)
• Vacuum up dog/cat hair daily
• Do the dishes daily
• Clean the bathroom daily
• Make the bed daily
• Put away your double-motor monster vibe daily

Good luck selling that garage!

Lose yourself in the silky taste of Barni Dark Chocolate Oracles™, made of decadently smooth, rich chocolate, and individually wrapped with a special Oracle™ message inside.

Keep looking forward – new adventures lie ahead.  [in bed]

“I’ve got shiny pants and a puppy.  I should be a total chick magnet!”

You got it all!

There are morning people, and there are night owls.  Neither ilk understands the existence of the other.

For instance, the morning person may cheerfully spring out of bed at the slightest hint of daylight, eager to greet the bright new day with a smile and maybe a few calisthenics.

Things are a lot different for the night owl.  Coffee is mandatory if interaction with other humans is required prior to 10am.  And sometimes, even getting coffee can be taxing.  Such a morning may go something like this:

“You put the french roast in the wrong spot.  It’s at the top of the list.  The other stores put it at the bottom.  [barista takes a confused look at the featured coffee list]  That’s kind of hard to take first thing in the morning.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ll be wearing a jean skirt, knee-high socks, and a hooded sweatshirt.”

First date or company picnic?  You decide.

Sometimes – okay often – one is required to take the risk of rejection in order to pursue a possibly fantastic love. This can be hard enough for the general population, but it’s even more touch-and-go if your gaydar doesn’t work so swell. Sometimes it works out; sometimes it doesn’t.

KiKi: DiDi, I really like you a lot, but while it’s fun to find someone you enjoy, it sucks to find yourself madly in love with someone who isn’t – and never will be – interested back.  So, if this isn’t your thing, just say so.

DiDi: It’s not my thing.

KiKi: Ok…

Normally, this  would be the end of the story.  However, this is Barni we’re riding here, so the saga continues.

DiDi: [in a very charitable no-harm-no-foul kind of way] I get this a fair amount, since I haven’t been married at my age.

KiKi: Oh, that’s not it…[pause]…with permission to speak frankly?

DiDi: Yes?

KiKi: You have tremendous sexual energy.

DiDi: [swoon]

DiDi: [regain composure] But why can’t I ever have that effect on someone I want it to?!

DiDi: No offense…

None taken.  It’s all part of taking a ride on Barni the Bus.

You are filled with life’s most valued treasure! [in bed]